The RN journey

Ive been wanting to post something positive…. Positive about this program and the teachers …. I will say that those I’ve encountered this semester all have their good points and they all seem to be, at least trying to be, good teachers for the most part. This program has sooooo many downfalls and pitfalls and stumbling blocks and road blocks that it’s easy to only look at those negative qualities and not realize it could be worse. Those could be much harsher, and repugnant, definitive adjectives but they aren’t. However there are a couple of teachers that shine a little more than the rest, and without them this program would be a real bust. As sad as my view, from where I stand, is, I know that the LPN classes have a much bleaker plight. Going back to the positives I did want to note that med surg class was good this week and OB was as always.

I turned in the concept map and we had OB clinical evaluations yesterday. Many papers are involved for the data and concept projects. I helped my friend cut out her shapes for the concept map after mine was done…… I feel like I’ve had a week of college plus one of kindergarten all at the same time. It’s actually kinda fun, cutting and glueing, but definitely annoying at the same time. 

I elluded to a journal in our OB clinical rotation….. And I immediately regretted it because this blog is a secret, a backup, a moon the world and CYA all at the same time. An insurance policy if you will. Hard to depict really…. Anyways no I didn’t lie when I said Ive kept a journal since I was 9, and yes they are paper, but since the beginning of the semester I’ve switched to this. Focussing on this college experience…… So many people have had such an awful experience with this college I figured Id start documenting. I don’t trust them collectively. In beginning I had every intention of making this blog known after I graduate…. Shocking teachers and classmates alike. If I have the nerve to do it, I envision them pooring over these posts trying to learn what spotlight color they’ve been thrown under. I wouldn’t want to disappoint would I? Up until now I have basically put no specifics, no names, and no exacts, but from now on I will strive to single out more specific instances and interactions. The thing is…. This may not go viral, or even very public for that matter, but don’t piss me off and don’t screw me over because that’s a shore-fire way to start a war. Part of me just wanted to shed light on this community deception and save others from wasting their time here if they can get out of it…… I think I will invite guest bloggers on…. I was talking to one semester 2 level 1 student who said that this program is basically a joke at his level. They dont have their collective asses together and they use this ATI learning as a huge crutch. Apparently the current level 2 semester 1 class is full of petty highschooler mentalities well….. So that’s always nice. I asked this person if it’s just the college or if it’s Michigan….. Why is there such a population density of these rude two faced individuaIs? Is this everywhere now?

I have truly had a mild case of college induced extracurricular hardship, with extra time and money, that I don’t have, being wasted making them happy. I couldn’t believe they rejected me the first time I applied to their program…… so after another semester of classes I didnt need (to bring my calculated GPA up from a 2.941 to a 3) I graduated from their college cum laude with a bogus associates in arts degree, I dared them to reject me again. I really wanted them to. It was then that I concocted the blog idea and  bought voice recorders for any future meetings etc… I think this program is unnecessarily stressful, at times, but itd hard for me to listen to others stories of failure, and people never wanting to be a nurse because of this college… The mentality of ATI as a teaching crutch and pharmacology being this huge subject that you basically need to learn on your own, without decent direction, and the over used “you should know this” BS that is, very often, extremely out of place, needs to be changed. The program is so shoddy with every semester of each program, and every class inside it, having different requirements for the same things. I can’t help my LPN friend that much even with questions about her concept map because the teacher wants it all different. Literally we are learning how to do a care plan differently each clinical within the same semester and same level. Why is this not main streamed in the nursing department? Or at the very least 2 mainstreamed types linear and the expressive non linear. Not all these BS subtype requirements. I had our clinical instructor say we’re not doing all this to make him happy… What a laugh. We certainly can’t just focus on learning around you we are forced to look at performing primarily but that’s life right ? Just look good and admit no weakness …..

-Admit no weakness

I didn’t accomplish the completion of this care plan today so I’ll be crunching all week for this blunder.  Instead I’m planning our vacation escape on break. I don’t know what money wel be using but I don’t care. We’re going period. I must regain my sanity by any means necessary.

I found out through my semester 1 LPN friend that if they are asked a medication question by the clinical instructor and they don’t know it, “it’s considered a medication error” and they can be kicked out of the nursing program for it. Is this an ok policy??? I mean good grief these are brand new nursing students still and they could seriously be told all their money and time is lost because they couldn’t name a side effect of a medication? How many nurses (especially nursing home nurses) can not tell you everything about every med they give…. And yet they are damn good nurses that the world is short on. So go ahead and fail more good people because the community is just sooooo overloaded with nurses that we have to be extremely picky and only allow genouses to pass. 

We need a revamp of this program. Something is not working well. I am not inspired, that’s for sure. Although I haven’t experienced too much of the negatives myself I still had a break down in clinicals, that could have been avoided, and I have been completely over being an RN ever since. A different aquintance of mine started the LPN program a year ago, or so, and was so discouraged early on that she convinced herself she was going to fail, and that nursing was not for her. She then dropped out before they had a chance to fail her. I think she would have been fine, but, especially in this program, they could easily fail you; that could happen.

-That could happen

I’ve been a little frustrated this week. Frustrated with this program, with myself, and with life I suppose. Only 3 weeks left in this semester. Each assignment I turn in is 1 less standing in my way. At my RN student friends house we tried to accomplish what we could. I was at my wit’s end and called her up to ask if she would be ok with me coming over to study…. She saves me fairly often, and I mustered up the drive to turn 3 assignments in today and a big care plan project to knock out tomorrow. My Lpn student friend is down state for Thanksgiving, trying to make time and stay focused on passing this semester.  I don’t want to think about the next semester; I can’t handle that. Just get me to half time.

Side note: That girl I called out last week made it a point to be nice to our class mates afterwards, and a point that I should see her being such a good person. So ask me again if I regret msging her, because I don’t. Sometimes people need to be called out by others and not allowed to misbehave. Maybe society should think a little more like that, and a little less like “mind your own business.” I was professional, but I called her out in a private manner and that’s how it should be done at least at first. If that doesn’t work, depending on the situation, it’s ok to take things to the next level, as in to your superior etc. 

Back to the pressing issues: I was loaned a pharmacology book by an instructor several weeks back. I appreciated the jesture and I had every intention of studying pharmacology on the side of the other classes this semester, but I haven’t been retaining the important information I read, and honestly I haven’t read near as much as I thought I could, and would. So now I have to give the book back to this individual and admit, or try not to, that hauling that large book around on the side has been a big waste of time. If I fail next semester, due to substandard  pharmacology knowledge, then I fail. Its really a huge shame that the mentality of certain instructors is that “you should know this and you shouldn’t be asking me such a basic question right now.” Ok, great, because if we can avoid looking foolish or asking questions then we will.

Did I ever mention that the first time I applied for this program they denied me? Their special calculated grade put me at a 2.941 GPA and I needed a 3.0 to get in….. My REAL GPA was approx. 3.63, and I was denied after meeting all their other qualifications. So 5k and 6 more months of my life later I had taken political science and medical terminology, graduated from their college with honors under the name of associates in liberal arts and truly truly dared them to deny me one more time. Unfortunately they never gave me such a satisfaction. The veins of failure and Injustice run deep here. I better get my education before I decide whether or not to start an IV solution with some strict NS.

-Strict normal saline 

I wish I could say I’ve been a consistent blogger, but we all know that is not the case. I have procrastinated, I have felt so burnt out that I couldn’t accomplish much.  I sat outside the testing center after ob clinicals today thinking “what the hell.” I wonder what I’m doing with my life. This is not a great program, as all the community reviews seem to say. Our instructors are collectively uncoordinated and there are so many different off the wall styles and preferences among them that it’s crazy. This program does not have a uniform effort. Another student discussed the lack of uniformity in this program and she was right. Its almost like there’s no clear direction and no clear way to get there. You just float along trying to make each individual masters degree happy. Too many bosses all running their corner of the show, and why shouldn’t they? If you have a masters degree I think you deserve to be in charge, but they ALL have masters degrees at this college; remember?

Theres only 2 teachers so far that I have felt are amazing at connecting with and encouraging students to learn. They really embody what I believe a leader and an educator should be like.

Our class is not fairing that well as a whole… The level 2 semester 1 group is a divided class of mismatched individuals who can’t get along that great. I’ve known and documented this from the beginning, and I’ve tried to stay impartial and out of this Loop of Henley, but I finally broke down and private messaged one of these children regarding her rudeness. This ever lingering superiority complex that I see so often from this young lady has to stop. Maybe she’s not always so bad, but I got nothing positive to go off of yet.  I was pushed to say something when a classmate candidly expressed that nobody stands up to her and everyone just ignors it….. Hmmmm when does letting it go and being the bigger person by not saying anything actually go too far? So I decided to say something. I know I would NOT want her as my nurse if she treated me with even half of the attitude that she has been.

That reminds me… my LPN friend and I stumbled upon an original idea of  Maslows Hiarchy as a continuum. She put it in her PowerPoint on Mon and the teacher was impressed.  She sent me a picture of the PowerPoint slide and we intend on expounding on our thesis. I am leary to post it here but I would like it online as proof….. Wel see.

Back in the clinical setting, I got to watch a surgery today and do post op care. This clinical group is a good one, but I get so tired of all of them at times. Maybe I’m the oddball that no one understands … I don’t really care, I am just disappointed cause I thought we were making steps towards closing the gap and connecting with each other. I guess not. Sometimes they just talk and talk making jokes and not being serious unless they have to be  At times they barely let me speak before they assume they know what I’m saying and they jump at it, leaving me to defend myself before I have even completed a thought. I’ve only starting to come out of a depressed world that I still struggle with and they aren’t helping the situation that much.

I’m very good with patients, I’m willing to work, to learn, to help, and to teach. I love teaching. I’m a good teacher too, but I need more education, and this is not optimal learning. The only reason I see how this college turns out “the best nurses” is that the only ones left standing in the end are strong and knowledgeable SOB’s who got there mostly of their own accord.

-Their own accord

I just want to pass OB. I think I will it’s just emotionally draining. I was told I should tell the clinical instructor that I have postpartum depression so that she’s aware…. I did and I cried just talking about it. She is worried about my rotation too now so I’m not sure that that helped anything…… live and learn I guess. She asked me if I’m on an antidepressant and I am…. just not consistently. I said I’d try to take it consistently, but I realized it 100% makes me exhausted with no motivation or strength to work or do school for 24 hours or more…. so I can’t take it. Right now it’s almost 2am I have to be up in less than 5 hours with a presentation project at 10am and a discussion post I should try to do before that. I’m thinking about wearing a wig for the presentation.

I was supposed to be studying hard this evening but instead I was playing matchmaker. I’d much rather be a match maker than a nurse…. it’s so much fun.

We really are sooooo close to being done with this semester!

-This semester

My friend passed her check offs on Tuesday: medications, catheter placement, and wound care. She was emotional. Every normal individual will break down at least once per semester under the weighted stress.

For the first time this semester I am not getting a couple assignments turned in, and I will get zeros out of it. I’ve had computer problems, agreed to work too much recently, and hit a deer with my car. I’m emotionally drained, and dreading the beginning of OB clinicals. OB is not a favorite class for someone with postpartum depression, even if you adore the teacher. I am backed up with work and this is the first time I won’t be meeting the deadlines in a real way. I don’t know if my grades will hold up the next 5 weeks but I hope so cause I really need to pass this semester. Even if I fail next semester….. I need to pass this one.

God has made a way, I just don’t see the end from where I’m standing.

-Where I’m standing

We should have really prayed before she went in there. I’m waiting on my friend to finish testing off right now. This is not a pleasant experience and I would not recommend it. I highly suggest avoiding it if at all possible. Maybe do something else in life.

I did not know this, but everyone in this college has to have a masters degree. WTH. BSN is supposed to be able to teach LPN. I know there are schools that allow this. I will not be teaching here because I have no desire to get a masters degree. That means master level clinicals for me, and I’m NOT doing that. Never. Thanks.

I’m in the air myself. Who knows if I can pass next semester. If I kick things up a knotch I WILL pass this semester…. I have good grades right now…. my lowest is 87%. I know this will change but hopefully not toooo much.

Im so stressed for my friend whose still in there and I need to check to see if she’s done, and help calm her down I’m sure. I feel so sorry for this class that they can’t have the LPN experience I did.

– I did

I am tired of the way nursing school is. I’m tired of this college and certain instructors having the mindset of “you should know this already” crap. My friend is in LPN first semester. She’s being asked things I don’t even know, that A students in her class don’t know, and things they haven’t even studied yet (maybe because they’ve been in nursing school 3 months and aren’t nurses period). I think this is BS. I would literally be a better teacher than several of these high knowledge instructors right now. Why? Well I don’t have sufficient education yet, and I would be learning what I’m teaching, but I’d be damned if I couldn’t put together a more effective lesson plan, spend more time with my students reviewing, studying, practicing, and helping them learn in a more relaxed fun environment whenever possible. They shouldn’t be so stressed every day just because of the teachers sheer presence. The teacher should be understanding and encouraging. Strong and unwavering, but definitely caring and not biased. Even tempered, not easily bothered etc…. I could go on and on.

If I had the LPN home room teacher she does I wouldn’t have made it. That means all those patients I took good care of and listened to, all those coworkers I covered for, and all those bosses I helped by showing up and doing a good job, would have been non existent experiences. Not to mention my own family benefiting greatly financially, and otherwise.

I am a good nurse but this college would have kicked me to the curb or I would have walked away with a terrible taste in my mouth for nursing. We have a severe shortage of nurses yet this college thinks it’s ok to fail half, or more, of just about every class for things like “not being able to put sterile gloves on properly after 3 extremely high stress attempts in front of the teacher and director of nursing at the college. WTH. To me that is teachable, that is a “do it until you get it right” moment. Not a “you fail and all your time and MONEY (thousands of dollars) are now lost and you can’t finish any of your classes even if you were doing well in them.” They say you have to come back and do it ALL over again, and, SHOCKINGLY, not many students come back or become nurses. All because their anxiety got the best of them on 1 fateful day.

This crippling computer program crutch, these high and mighty teachers, these rediculous standards, and this monopoly of nursing schools in this very huge area, among many other pit falls, disparities, and, yes, atrocities that this college has in perpetual motion certainly have me riled up.

Another wonderful attribute of a different instructor was brought to my attention this week. This instructor showed blatant bias and contempt for a seasoned LPN being in this program. He prefers these young high school students, who don’t know which way the sun rises, to be in the program vs old community LPN’s who might be a little rusty on certain skills, but have tons of field experience. Again, WTH. Who cares what people’s background is? How are they handling the here and now? Can they become good RN nurses. Maybe even ask if they care about people, or are they rude to every breathing creature? We have some FRESH HS girls and believe me I don’t know how they made it, but they are not mature not caring, and they have a superiority complex like I have not seen in a long time. I really can’t help but wonder if these girls will be good nurses and listen to patients and doctors or will they say “oh no you’re fine” and “Doctor you are not right” just a little too frequently. Common curtesy, kindness, and decency are majorly lacking here….. but these are the girls this college promotes and passes so they must be ideal nurses.

I have 5 proctored tests / quizzes this week and lots to do, yet I’m awake with my mind racing just thinking about this doomsday Tuesday my LPN friend has in front of her, and how I promised to help her through as much as I can. Tomorrow is a make or break day for her.

Stay tuned cause I might show my Gemini qualities.

I really need to hold it together and graduate though, because I need my BSN so that I can come back and be a homeroom LPN teacher one day.

Well I better get a few hours of sleep. We’ll get through this.

– Get through this

After the RN program is behind me, I am determined to do more stress reduction. Sit in the sun on the beach whenever I can. Take the kids out, and explore. Not worry about tomorrow, and not think about work or school. Even if I slowly work on my BSN, I have to enjoy life while I’m young, and I’m determined to do so. I will work on my business and work on my gifts, like singing. Spend time with friends and dive into crazy endeavors. Live life to the fullest. That’s what the next chapter will be…. I just have to get there. I have to go practice my physical assessments now… but

– After This

I am slacking. Definitely hard to stay motivated right now, and easy to be distracted….

That last week of clinicals wasn’t  too bad, I was just so tired. I stayed up late that last Thursday night trying to make  my care plan perfect; It wasn’t. Still getting over being sick. I had to give up and go home to sleep from 1am to 530am. Picked up by my class mate, we were on the med surg floor at 645am as usual. Our instructor wasn’t happy with any of us for not doing a discussion post. We had wrongfully assumed there wasn’t one due that last week. So we were told we would be posting and commenting on everyone post else’s after clinicals. Another long night. I wanted to work on that care plan more, but it would be what it would be. I did my discussion post on porphyria.

Saturday morning Oct. 6th 2018. Last day of med surg. clinical for the semester! Half a day on the floor and half a day presenting our care plans at the college. I was stressed that my care plan wasn’t on target, but, thankfully, none of my classmates had a perfect one.

The weeks between that and now have been a whirlwind of tests, assignments, assessments, personal issues, and laziness. Studying has been at the college, a friends house, or McDonald’s since I can’t get anything done at home.

I have died my hair, had family photos taken, continued with karate, work, and watching a few movies in that time. I also just joined An honor society this last week. It is the last semester I can since I still (barely) have a 3.5 GPA. My GPA has steadily fallen every semester since I transferred to this college, so I know this is my last chance. I regretted not being a member last semester, and graduating with more recognition… I know that’s petty, but there are some real future financial benefits, and it looks good on your resume. Also the honor society has volunteering hours that can go for our nursing school requirements as well.

Med Surg class has gone better since I last wrote…. I enjoy it more than I did previously. Made an 84 on my last test. I love test days for some reason.

Maternal and physical assessment are going good, and still taught by the same awsome instructor. I still have some lingering postpartum depression… and find myself tearing up quite a bit in OB class. OB clinical start in a week and a half or so… that will be fun I’m sure. Better than med surge no doubt, but still hard on me.

I have to get my act together on these medications…. I am starting the process in a serious way. I appreciate being lent a pharmacology book by an instructor for a few weeks, but it does increase the pressure on me. A class mate recommended picmonic pharmacology on you tube and that helps a lot.

I feel like this nursing school uses an online teaching program as a crutch. It’s like putting your kids in front of the tv to learn their abc’s and 123’s, it’s the easy way out.  Many instructors aren’t teaching like one would think they should…. instead they tell u do the modules, and then they might run over the same material briefly. I know some may think well adults SHOULD be able to teach themselves. Yes but no. We’re in school, we’re grasping  the basics of nursing….. and a computer screen is not the best for learning.

Back to pharmacology then going home. School and karate tomorrow, it’s Monday.

– it’s Monday