Open Season

I recently shared the address of this blog with a few class mates. I also invited a couple class mates to be guest bloggers and write their thoughts and perspectives. It is different knowing someone might actually read this now…

We started Psych clinicals and so far it has been a good experience. I spent the entire last week emersed in substance abuse which was pretty awesome. We had a speaker Monday and I went to the in-patient substance abuse recovery program Tues and Wed. I found I have a big heart for addicts and I may work with them one day.

I’m pretty stressed right now knowing that I am riding that 75 line in med surg and med surg lab. Also knowing we have big projects coming up due and it feels like they are all smashed together. I told my work and family they won’t see me for the next 2 weeks; and they won’t. I can’t decide if my personal/social life dynamics are more of a help or a hindrance. Either way I’m not capable of completely focusing at this point in time.

It’s not a secret, anymore, so I don’t mind clarifying that last semester, during med surg clinicals, I realized I was truly suicidal. Everyone thought I was joking when I said I wanted to jump off the balcony one day but, really, I was going to jump off the balcony. Fast forward to this semester I am mentally stronger; not great but good enough. I am no longer suicidal and the postpartum depression has pretty much run its course (It can linger for up to 2 years).

All of that being said I still don’t have the motivation or drive I once possessed. The desire to finish this is purely a mental craving to be done with this maddening journey. It has nothing to do with wanting to be a nurse. I am a nurse already, and I came back to advance my degree. I still laugh thinking about how they want LPNs to walk off the street and automatically be RN level everything, even before they review ANYTHING or teach us ANYTHING. Oh I did forget we were supposed to watch 15 minute you tube videos (where we watch every glove change) to review all our skills. After that we are ready to roll so where is my license? This has been so different from my LPN experience.

I forgot to mention that in our med surg lab we went over mock codes and I got to simulate being in charge of one. I liked it. If I knew what I was doing a little more I could see myself being a very good and calm supervisor, I just need a little more knowledge… Yesterday my son picked up a rock and held it during our family car ride. I gave him some juice and when I heard coughing I thought it was from his juice. I looked back to see he wasn’t breathing at all. I immediately knew that rock was lodged in his throat, but I didn’t panic. I communicated what was going on and that we needed to pull over. I had all the things I was planning to do running through my mind. Calm level and headed. The driver was not as calm but they have no medical training. Before I could get out of the car my son was able to spit the rock out on his own. Note to self dont let children keep semi small rocks.

This next week I’m looking at a quiz Monday in med surg, a long Tues and Wed on the psych unit at the hospital, a psych quiz on Thursday, and a paper and powePowerP I need done by then. This is not including all the small assignments due every week, but I think I’ll survive.

-I’ll survive