Today the wonderful, dreaded, sought after, and stressed over RN classes began. I drove up to the college, and had a mental flash forward of the last time I’d ever see it’s ugly walls. I long for that day to be here already, but I understand the perilous risk of pulling on your life’s string, and not being content in the moment.
This first day back has been a brand new experience mixed with the faint whisper of a younger LPN. Every other second I wonder “Can I do this?” “Is this possible and realistic for me to complete?” “Will I pass? or waste my time and money like so many others?” The odd seconds are filled with “Ok, this isn’t so bad” , “I can get through this”, and “I remember this.”
Will I remember this?
Certain events in life shift an uncomfortable magnifying glass our way. Nursing school is one of those things. Most people squirm around and get all anxious (myself included) and a few bust out in flames. There are very few exceptions to this rule. Inner-reflection is never fun, and today I found myself to be a little too outspoken, at times, and even borderline aggressive. I need to dial it down. I like the one teacher I’ve met so far, and I wouldn’t want to come off wrong while on my first impression probation. I’m an outsider to this college, and to this state. Everything is vastly unusual around here.
Walking away from this revisited college diet I overheard a class mate mutter “how do you like the new girl?” Another replied “She’s an odd ball” they agreed “yea”. I wondered if this bothered me…. It didn’t for several reasons. 1. I’m not here to make friends, 2. these people know, actually less than, nothing about me, and 3. if I’m odd because of my mannerisms, my physical characteristics, etc… then we’re all odd. They’d also be delusional to think they’re above the cut, which is funny to me. Who cares what other people think. I will tone the outspokenness down because I’m annoying myself, and it’s valid that I wouldn’t wish to unnerve my instructors, whom I want to respect and learn from; but I will not change for anyone but myself.
I hope the secret to passing this program is to keep organized and move forward. Years ago my student success teacher announced the advice she’d been given, “If you can’t get it all done, get something done.” – Get something done
The RN journey 